Tag Archives: UUP

The unfortunate Lord Maginnis

10 Jan

The job of the social scientist is to spot patterns in social phenomenon, and there is a pattern to be spotted in Lord Ken Maginnis’ orbit. Ken – now Lord Maginnis – served himself for many years as MP for Fermanagh South Tyrone in Northern Ireland. He now sits in the House of Lords as an independent after a parting of ways between him and his – the Ulster Unionist Party. He believed that homosexuals were ‘deviant’. They did not. Anyway, it would seem that whenever Ken is around unfortunate events happen. All of this, I am sure, is coincidence. Doubtless, time and again, Ken is the innocent bystander and things just happen in his presence.

Earlier this week, there was a hullaballoo at the entrance of the UK’s House of Parliament. Things were shouted at the security staff along the lines of ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ Ken was in the vicinity at the time but it would be wholly out of character for him to shout at anyone. Not like him at all.

And then in his former constituency and home town, there was a road rage incident. A driver was grabbed by the arm and someone was called a ‘yellow bellied bastard’. Ken was nearby, but as a dedicated public servant it would be inconceivable that he would involved in such unseemly behaviour.

Lightening seemed to strike in the same place again for poor old Ken when there was an alleged assault at his London flat. Poor Lord Maginnis’ neighbour apparently ended up with a cut eye but it is very probable that Ken was out at the time. He was probably doing charitable work for the poor.

In a clear case of persecution of the weakest members of our society, a train company came after Ken for an unpaid fare. They alleged – I am sure they were completely wrong and he was completely innocent – that he travelled by train without paying. Ken, as a man of principle, made sure it went to court. The court – in an act of folly – ordered that goods worth £1,500 be seized from Ken. I suspect that a Mother Theresa figure like Ken would have goods worth that much.

And then, some years before, poor Ken was trying to enjoying a Chinese meal when he was struck on the head with a beer can. This time it definitely was Ken. He wasn’t just near-by, it was his head. Imagine: there you are trying to enjoy your chicken chou mein and you are clocked on the noggin by a can of Stella. Never, in the history of humanity, can someone have had such poor luck as Ken.

The man is a magnet for bad luck.